“My mother always asked me, ‘How do you know whether you will like something, if you do not try it?’ ” - Mandy Patinkin, offering James Caan take-out, in “Alien Nation”

My wife and I are 46. We’ll have been married for 28 years this Saturday.

Last week, in the car driving home from a date, I did something incredibly naive even by male standards. I asked her whether there was anything new she’d like to try. I meant romantically new, in the original sense of the word: romance, something adventurous, new, fresh, daring.

She answered as though she’d been waiting for the question for about 27.9 years. “I want to dance the Waltz!”

:: blinking ::

In a million years, well, in 25 years, I’d never have figured her for that. Blame High School Musical 3: the stars danced the waltz at — what, their prom?! Don’t tell me kids can dance the waltz?

The other time I danced was in 10th grade, for two songs. “Improv” would have been too kind a word.

My wife figured we’d just put on some HSM3 music — yes, really — and kind of figure it out. I waited for her to get distracted and looked up the waltz on the internet. (Am I scoring any points with her, ladies? I didn’t think so.) As far as I could figure it out, it was:

1. Man steps forward with left foot; woman mirrors him.

2. Man steps forward and then sweeps to the side with his right foot in an “L” movement; woman mirrors.

3. Man brings his left foot towards his right; woman mirrors, of course.

4. Man brings his right foot backward; woman mirrors.

5. Man brings his left foot backward and then sweeps out to the left in the “L” movement. Woman mirrors.

6. Man brings his right foot over towards his left. Woman mirrors.

7. All of this is done in 3/4 time, of course.

8. Hopefully fall onto something soft.

9. The internet article said that you trace these large squares into the carpet “while slowly rotating to the left” with each sequence. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ONE IN A SMALL BEDROOM, PAL!

She was giggling, but I stayed relatively serious, and then she matched my comfortable earnestness. Which, I quickly surmised, was the point of the waltz — it measures how well the dance partners synch up with one another?

After our dance-baptism, we were suddenly able to (later) watch people dancing on TV and understand whether the woman liked the man or not. We understood what it meant to feel music together. We understood human interaction through friendly, rather than irrationally passionate, body language. Dancing is quite a bit more than I figured it would be.

How well did we synch? Not very well. :- ) After 28 years. Cindy wasn’t particularly eager to trust me. It was kind of funny, and kind of sweet, and a lot revealing. Though a super-friendly person, Cindy is kind of stiff when she hugs people, almost anybody, and draws remarks on it. There is a lot for a husband to meditate on when he gets to thinking about his wife’s childhood.

On the other hand, do you know what? She was eager to spin around under my hand like a little girl, and very surprisingly eager for me to lay her over my knee, whatever the name for that is. What do you suppose I should infer from that?! Amazing what you don’t know after 25-30 years.

We didn’t dance well, but I’m putting five more college credits on my next IT resume. After the course, we did manage to appreciate one another with a fair amount of comfortable earnestness.

So ballroom dancing isn’t about the steps. Who knew.

Cheers,

jemanji

……………….

image: http://thedragoeffect.files.wordpress.com/2007/08/waltz.jpg

A true cynic would probably see a conspiracy to evict and redevelop in an increasingly changing neighborhood - coincidentally (or not) putting another nail in the coffin of Capitol Hill’s gay community.

But my guess is that the actual issue might be the incessant, suspicious, and baffling construction and reconstruction of every molecule in the club. I know of no other place that has remodeled the exact same spot in a club once every year. It has in fact become somewhat of a joke between me and my friends (who love the place) that there has to be some money laundering scheme going on there.

But who knows? Lets just keep our fingers crossed on this one.

This would make her the oldest contestant since the show began. Poor Cloris Leachman, everyone picks on her. So what if she’s old, she’s Frau Blucher for Christ’s sake!! And did you catch her on the Roast of Bob Saget? She is true comedic genius.

I’m not a fan of Dancing with the Stars, and I don’t understand why Cloris Leachman, a respectable actress, would want to shake her groove thing on TV, and risk breaking a hip, on TV. Maybe she’s trying to prove to the world that she may be old (thanks for reminding us Mel Brooks) but she can still boogie.

Or maybe she’s just going senile. Who knows, but we’ll definitely be watching.

Suddenly the DJ comes on the mic and announces it’s time for the bride and groom to dance their first dance as husband and wife. The lovely couple moves to center of the dance floor as friends and family gather around to witness two lovers dance gracefully as an expression of their union.

The bride and groom at the last wedding I attended totally missed mark on that one. There wasn’t a single graceful step in those moves. They barely swayed their bodies to the lame and forgettable song they chose, and I don’t think they even touched once.

Haven’t these people ever heard of dance lessons?